Beware of septic tanks!

By +Oscar V. Cruz D. D.

Now it can be said openly and loudly with great pride and distinction that the Philippines has just made a discovery for the scientific community to take note of and for world to know well. No more can Filipinos be legitimately made the object of foreign TV demeaning jokes. No more can the country be merely qualified as a high placer in the index of corruption. Gone are the days when the Philippines is only known for extrajudicial killings and enforced disappearances—among many other socio-moral aberrations.

A truly great and admirable discovery has just been made on the occasion of the sad and pitiful event at a known Makati Mall. The painful and tearful event devastated human lives and destroyed temporal assets. Much prayers are said and due reverence is given with all sincerity and good will to all those who suffered and are still suffering from the devastating phenomenon. At the same time, however, the present administration appears to be intent in getting some credit from the tragedy.

The laudable combined and dedicated efforts of all very able and readily available government technical and intelligence agencies just made a startling and conclusive finding of no mean significance for the safety of the lives and limbs of men, women and children—irrespective of race, color and creed. The great finding that deserves and even demands no little global attention and due observance has reference to a seemingly mean and demeaning reality: Septic Tanks!

It is now certain and certified that such unobtrusive and even secretive structures accompanying humanity long since, are rather dangerous, very explosive and highly destructive. What was merely considered as silent and patient recipients of human refuse—unwanted remains, discarded relics—is now innocuous and trivial no more. In other words, septic tanks explode! The breathing done and the air made by such previously considered disgusting realities have found a way of hitting back. Now, septic tanks may no longer be taken lightly and nonchalantly by people the world over. And it took the Philippine Government to make this impressive discovery of the century. Some people say that even the well known “Malabanan Septic Tank” people can be tapped to confirm this singular scientific finding.

If a septic tank used by common people could make such a loud explosion and cause so big a destruction, it is hard to even but imaging what a septic tank used in a palace by individuals living as royalties—eating and drinking much and well—could do! It is then not simply prudent but also necessary that their neighbors be accordingly informed and prepared for the present and imminent danger.

Now, the Cannes Film Festival can look forward to a box-office hit reality film titled: “SEPTIC TANKS STRIKE BACK!”

(For past columns, click http://sundaypunch.prepys.com/archives/category/opinion/viewpoints/)

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