2 secrets to make us great again

By October 11, 2021General Admission

By Al S. Mendoza


SO, how many candidates for president do we have right now, class?

“Only” 57 as I write this hours before deadline.

It could be more if we go by the trend of candidates rushing madly, wildly, to beat Comelec’s deadline of filing of the certificates of candidacy on October 8.

But do you honestly believe it ended on October 8?

Hold your horses, class.

Didn’t I say the circus is in town the last time out?

You might have forgotten that over here, we seem to be always distinctly different from the rest of the world.

Know, class, that our election law is so unique that it has no equal in the world.

Do you know that in this beloved country of ours, we have actually three deadlines when it comes to the filing of a certificate of candidacy?

Not even the US, after which our Constitution has been patterned, has that provision.

Over here, October 8 is just one of three deadlines.

The second one is on November 15, when candidates may either be substituted or decide to finally run for the position they had originally aspired for.

And when is the third and final time that a candidate may not run or be substituted?

That’s on midday of election itself on May 9, 2022.

And the two reasons for a candidate to be substituted on that day are:

One, the candidate gets disqualified for reasons prescribed by law.

Two, the candidate dies.

But there’s one condition:  The person substituting the disqualified/deceased candidate must have the same surname of the candidate being substituted.

Is that clear, class?

As we go to press, the notable bets for president are Leni Robredo, Isko Moreno, Bongbong Marcos, Manny Pacquiao and Ping Lacson.

Notable because each has the financial capacity to wage a nationwide campaign.

No less than P5 billion is needed to sustain a monumental battle to capture the Palace.

For the record, the Comelec has pegged a candidate’s expense of P10 per voter for the nearly 70 million expected to troop to the polls next year.

As to the bulk of the 57-plus aspirants, they’d be disqualified shortly by the Comelec for being considered nuisance candidates.

Nuisance because, aside from not having the wherewithal to maintain a campaign kitty (can a tricycle driver, a market vendor or a schoolteacher have a war chest each consisting of billions?), they appear like they’re making a mockery of the election process—not to mention they look like they are psychologically unstable to mount extensive sorties nationwide.

There’s too much tomfoolery already.

One presidential aspirant alone has said that once he gets elected, he only has two secrets to make this country great again:

One, he will utilize man’s urine to fertilize agriculture.

Two, he will transform woman’s urine into perfume.

Any question, class?

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