Feelings

A new leaf is a birth is a new leaf . . .

By Emmanuelle

 

The native recognizes a fellow-native. One does not have to be a native of the mountain (and plateau, valley, terraced fields, etc.) by blood and birth. One needs only to have loved and lived the love.

One does not say “I love this place soooo much” and promptly picks-up and leave at the end of the day or the bakasyon grande. Or for that matter, one does not say to you “I love you soooo much”, his palms cupping your face, his gaze locking into yours, his breath taking your essence in so deeply and so achingly. And promptly at the end of the day or the bakasyon grande, he picks-up and leaves. 
 

No way Jose, Josefina. These things do not happen just so. Should not, must not. One does not let loose words out into the expectant air like so much carbon dioxide exhaled. Otherwise, one does not say the words at all. Should not, must not.

One says “It’s the place of my dreams, but . .  .” or “You’re the woman of my dreams, but . . .” and leaves the statement, and the intention, hanging on the but and the whimsy of those dots. For the meantime, or until the end of time. Stones, not even gems, dangling in varied sizes and weights around one’s neck. Whatever.

It is that. Or one punches-in one’s destiny with the definiteness of the period, not with the indefiniteness of a succession of dots. You go back to where you came from, put the house for sale or rent, gather the too-precious belongings, give away the none-too-precious, hire a lipat-bahay truck, then ride up front, with the windows open, breathing-in the change the freedom. So sudden and so apt. You are going up, you are going home, you are going to live the love. 

It was a past New Year’s resolution resolutely resolved. It was done.

Here is another resolution being resolutely resolved. It is being done. Meet Pauline.     

DAMDAM

ni Pauline

Kilala ng katutubo ang kapwa niya katutubo. At di niya kailangang kilatisin and kulay ng iyong dugo o di kaya’y alamin kung aling kabundukan ka nanggaling. 

Alam niya na ikaw ay taga-ibaba. NguniÆt alam rin niya, dama niya, na ang dugong  nananalaytay sa iyong puso at mga ugat ay hindi dugo ng isang taga-ibaba.    

And damdam niya, ikaw ay hindi katulad ng ibang panauhin mula sa kapatagan. Na ikaw ay hindi isang karaniwang bakasyonista o turista, Na sa iyo, ang katagang pag-ibig ay isang piling-piling salita, at ito’y hindi mo babanggitin kung mababaw lamang ang kahulugan sa iyo.

Ang iyong pagdating sa kaniyang kabundukan ay hindi isang pansamantalang pagtakas sa bilis  ng galaw ng iyong kinagisnang mundo. Ang damdam niya, ang iyong pagdating ay ang pinakamahaba nang pahinga mula sa bilis na galaw ng iyong kinagisnang mundo.

Dahil, mula nang ikaw ay dumating, wala ka na yatang balak magbalot muli, at iwanan and lugal na ito. Ang damdam niya, nahanap mo na yata ang tunay mong mundo.

Higit sa damdam, siguradong nagkatagpuan na kayo ng iyong pag-ibig. Nasa tuktok na yata, mas liblib at mas matarik ang daan patungo sa iyong di-hahamaking tahanan. Naiiling ang mga kaibigan mong katutubo. At sila ay nangingiti ng may pagmamalaki sa katutubong estranghera, sa estrangherang katutubo na kanilang inangkin. At  umangkin sa kanila.

Siya po si Pauline. At sa kalagitnaan ng mga sunflowers, mamumulaklak ang mga kuwento ng damdamin. 

 

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