“KARINA, MY DARLING…”
By Ermin Garcia

May 1, 1964

A half year has passed since we said goodbye. The turmoil in my mind has somehow settled down, calmed in the belief and the faith that YOU ARE AMONG GOD’S ELECT. But in my heart yet rages an inferno of sorrow, of regret. There is no use reporting this to you, because it will never cease—this storm in my heart. As I have said, I’m happy that He took you up and spared you all the pains and the spiritual anguish in a longer life in this valley of tears.

And yet, I miss you terribly so much. I miss your arms around my neck, your cheeks close to mine, the words of fond endearment we exchanged. Darling, I miss you and your love. It was only an innocent heart such as yours that could show to me without shyness your love and your total lack of fear for me and my unbridled temper. I miss your smiles as I go home at noon and at night, and the sight of you curled up in my and your Mama’s bed, waiting for me to join you, if only for a few warm moments—of embrace and horseplay.

The half-year mark of your departure, May 1, fell on a First Friday, just like November 1, 1963. And we went to Holy Communion in the very chapel (St. Therese’s) at probably the same hour you went there for your last Communion on the November 1st, that First Friday, that All Saints’ Day. As you must have seen, there were Masses for you (aside from that at St. Therese’s chapel) in the cathedral, in Calasiao, at the chapel of Blessed Imelda’s, and in San Fabian. And we visited your tomb in the morning.

The next day, Father Tito and I and others in the office paid you another visit. As long as I have the strength, my darling, I shall always keep my rendezvous with you, each time I can manage to get away from all the burden on my shoulders.

I thank you, my darling, for praying and getting for me the special honors and privileges (totally un-expected) and opportunities from the International Press Institute. It was as if on that day of May 6 you took me by the hand and sent me to Manila, to Tarzie Vittachi. It was all your intercession and Mama’s, I know.

And maybe that was why you did not want that I would be the President of the NPC. Membership in the International Press Institute Board of Governors is an even greater honor and is more useful than the NPC Presidency. And if I were the NPC President, I could not be asked to make that survey and study of the provincial press.

This survey will take me away from your hallowed resting place for several weeks on end, but I shall be strengthened always by the knowledge that as I go away you and your prayers will always keep me company. And all my efforts in my work in the survey and the IPI Board. I shall dedicate and offer to God for your eternal happiness.

Each chore, each line of writing to be done in this new enterprise, I shall offer as a prayer for you. Pray, my darling, as you have been patiently doing, that I shall not be distracted along the way-. Ask Our Father to enlighten my mind and give me the grace for moral and spiritual strength. Don’t take your hand away from mine.

 

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