My 1st Father’s Day without Papang
By Eva C. Visperas
FOR 92 long years, I held him, touched him, hugged him, kissed him as often as I could and personally greeted him “Happy Father’s Day” every year.
His wish to live longer was granted and became a nonagenarian. But his dream was to be a centenarian.
We smiled, laughed, and yes, argued sometimes on petty matters but 100% enjoyed each other’s company. We even sang and danced whenever we could that many of our relatives were surprised that Papang could sing and dance.
One day in a restaurant, a waitress mistook me as his girlfriend because she saw me serving his food and held his hand as we walked (so he would not fall).
Perhaps others think that I was dutiful to repay all his goodness and stayed beside him until his last breath because he was an ideal father. But he wasn’t. But he taught me the greatest lessons in life and I consider myself lucky to have him as my dad.
Being a retired public school teacher, he was mighty proud of me because of my academic performance. Thanks to his constant prodding and close supervision (something I didn’t appreciate during my younger years). He was my walking dictionary, my grammar teacher, speech writer and my critic.
At the twilight of his life, I learned how to best care for an ailing parent. So, let me share some of these to you, my readers, especially to those who are still lucky to have their dads around:
- Talk to him whenever you can. Old people like to tell stories about their lives, their experiences with their family, relatives and friends. Paulit-ulit. Parang sirang plaka. Be patient and be a good listener.
- Because they are naturally forgetful, don’t say they’re already “kabaw/ulyanin” (senile) because that offends them and they protest.
- Show them your family photo albums and let them identify who are the people in the pictures. They appreciate that and help refresh their memories, too.
- Show them you’re interested and interact with them when they keep talking about the same topics over and over. They sense you’re not interested if you don’t react.
5. Don’t ever let them feel they are burden to you. Believe me, they feel it and it makes them feel guilty even if you don’t verbally express it. - If you cannot visit them, a videocall will surely cheer them up.
- Do not get mad if they have sudden mood swings because they do.
- If they have difficulty sleeping at night, sing a lullaby or hum their favorite songs to calm them.
- Always say “I love you” to them as tomorrow is never promised. It reassures them as well that they are really loved.
- Cheer them up and praise them by telling them they still look good, smell fresh especially after a shower.
There are actually 101 ways to show how much you love and care for your dad. Do not postpone what you can do for your living, ailing old dad. Time is ticking. Find time to see him, talk to him, take care of him even for a short period.
Always be generous with your time and money too. Be considerate and grateful to people who are there in your absence, to take care of him.
Use the power of your cellphone to record your memories together. Once he’s gone, he’s gone forever. But you can always see him again talking, laughing, smiling, dancing, storytelling like he used to when he was still physically strong and mentally active.
Believe me. I’ve been through the ups and downs of caregiving to an old and sick father for more than a decade and it’s forever rewarding to note that Papang and I had the best time in this world together.
Happy Father’s Day in heaven, my ever dearest Papang Mauro. It’s been nine months since you left me but I know that you’re in a much better place now and you have real angels watching over you.
Forever loved. Forever in my heart.
Of course, to all the fathers who deeply love their children, sacrifice for them, see them grow as good persons, I salute you all.
And to all single moms who double as father as well to their kids, you have my great admiration.
You, too, deserve two thumbs up!
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