Some, more than others
By Virginia Jasmin Pasalo
OVER the years, we encounter people, people we like more than others, and build a closer bond for many reasons. Some for the ideals they espouse, some for their charm, others for the way they are.
In my life, there are those I considered very close, and abruptly, without an explanation, they are gone. Although surprised, I never attempted to ask for an explanation, thinking that in their own time, they will be able to come around and reconnect. I am not a person who easily abandons relationships, knowing that life is short, and each encounter gives us an opportunity to know ourselves, up close. When one leaves a relationship, especially one that is transitioning to deeper friendships, I can only think of several reasons:
- Differences in deeply-held values
- Personal considerations
- Others
I have always been tolerant of organized religions, those that have dominated our existence and consciousness for so many years, but held on to my personal beliefs. I belong to the greater part of the consciousness where each one has a unique place in the universe, an integral part of its wholeness, where no one is excluded because of their spiritual beliefs. However, this view affects some friends who totally believe that the religions they believe in offers the only way to salvation. Some attempted at conversion, others just moved away for good.
Political orientations also impact on friendships. I know many who refused to talk to each other even after the Philippine elections, and the divide never close for some, especially when you were a victim of abuse, and your co-abused had accepted a high position in a public office, or is now the mouthpiece of your abuser.
We were going to rise above it all, I told myself, confident that I found a friend deep into human rights. I thought that the friendship was going to be deeper than our personal views, I was wrong. My views on Ukraine seem to have sealed that budding friendship gasping for air. Ukraine to me did not start with the invasion of Russia, but already had a long history of being a pawn for hegemonic interests in the larger geopolitical framework, so that the solution to the conflict is not confined to the implementation of sanctions and strengthening NATO, but creating a framework of co-existence that allows other ideologies to co-exist, not to annihilate those that do not fit in a hegemon’s ideological frame.
And then there is this friend with whom I shared a good part of my life. He comes on and off, but I never doubted he cares, since he remembers me during crisis, personal and professional. We maintain a safe distance from each other, enough to sustain a friendship to keep afloat, and not too much to plunge into a depth where we could possibly drown. “Did he drown?”, I wonder. But he just left, without a word. From a man who has a diarrhea of words, I find his constipation unwarranted.
Others abruptly went out of sight because of a lie they could no longer sustain. That is the funny thing about a lie, because one has to remember the lie, and further narratives have to be consistent with it. Or its derivative, withholding truth. It’s not exactly a lie, it’s just not said because it did not come up in the conversation. When it comes up, they conveniently leave the conversation and maintain an enigmatic presence, or absence.
Disconnections, separations, detachments are often painful. But all these experiences, taken positively, enrich us, encounters that strengthen our character, trials that make us stronger. Some, more than others.
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