By Rex Catubig

 

EXPECT the unexpected and bizarre in the seniors’ Jayceeken meeting. In one of the group’s afternoon merienda meets, its safe harbor, the Luz canteen, proved true to its name as it was brightened by the luminous strain of a member’s saxophone.

But in contrast to the lilting melodious jazz, the talk at the table was off key and leaned towards desafinado food variations– from the paella, jamon Serrano, and callos of Spain to the local street food–which everyone agreed has reinvented the often disregarded and  discarded meat and poultry parts of yore and elevated them to the level of gourmet with fanciful names

Thus we have adidas or chicken feet, pork blood or betamax, chicken neck, chicken innards or IUD, pork  isao or mag wheels, and cloaca or timol among other exotic street foods that are now prime delicacies. Of course, proben or batikulen, chicharon bulaklak and chicken skin have been around ever since beer and cuatro cantos replaced Sioktong on the drinking table.

The surprise is, an otherwise ignored part of a porcine anatomy is cited as making a big comeback. The fleshy mammary gland better known as pig breast is likened to wagyu beef. Called lasas, it is cut into cubes, skewered and grilled like barbeque. Food fanatics swear by its delectable taste.

But it was quickly pointed out by the disciples of the quixotic that there is yet the best part of the pig that cannot be rivaled but has not been quite explored by the drinker’s tongue: the pig’s vagina! It is claimed that without a doubt, it’s the penultimate glorious gustatory delight.

The sexual innuendo hits you right smack on the mouth. But in a company of men who’ve been there and done that, who could dispute the devilish culinary potential of an animal organ? But whoa! Hold a minute! How come, the pig’s protuberant penis, despite its renowned prostitute service in the propagation of the species, has not been as heralded and largely snubbed in what could be a case of covert sexist bias? Of culinary homophobia?

Perhaps, it is understandable that a macho man inebriated with any intoxicant who would devour a luscious grilled pig’s penis with gusto would be subject to an apocalyptic revelation. So better ignore it despite the promise of Dionysian delight. Or run the risk of peer damnation.

But let’s face it, if you are hit by any insinuation, turn away or turn the other pig cheek.

Fatty pig cheek is divinely delish and will earn you indulgence for the supreme gesture of taking it all in stride.

Inuman lang yan. Keep the beer in the stomach. And pee if you will, before the prostate takes its revenge and obliges your honor to take a bow.

Penis, be not proud. Pussy will eat you alive.

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