By Farah G. Decano

 

THE internet whispers about Filipino actress Ellen Adarna’s separation from Derek Ramsey, suggesting she was mistreated during her postpartum period, with hints of verbal or even physical abuse.

While we cannot know the truth of this private matter, this narrative throws a glaring spotlight on a universal truth: a woman’s life is often a painful journey dictated by the chaotic rhythm of her hormones. To be a woman, at times, is to live with a natural, recurring disability.

Some might argue that men also experience hormonal shifts, citing andropause, the gradual decline of testosterone. But this decline is slow and subtle, often barely noticeable. It’s a gentle slope compared to the precipitous cliff women fall from. The sudden, violent fluctuations of estrogen and progesterone levels in women wreak havoc, causing both physical agony and profound psychological imbalance.

Our society, in its blindness, demands from women the same relentless consistency of output as their male counterparts. This is a demand that ignores and punishes their very nature. It’s a cruel game we force them to play.

Look around. How do we treat these natural occurrences? We stigmatize them. We mock women for their pain. We hear the spiteful tone in the phrases, “Nireregla kasi” (“She’s on her period”) or “Nagmemenopause na” (“She’s going through menopause”). We turn a natural biological process into an insult.

What is the result? Women’s pain is made invisible and is openly scoffed at. Even women themselves are silenced, afraid to speak of what they endure for fear of being laughed at.

To those who live with or employ women, I implore you: extend your understanding and your patience. You may not feel what they are enduring, but you must know it is there.

Let me spell out the recurring trials women face due to these drastic hormonal fluctuations:

MENSTRUAL PERIODS: A monthly ritual from roughly ages 11 up to a woman’s 50s. For about a full week or more, women suffer body aches, cramps, and swelling that can darken their moods and sap their energy;

PREGNANCY: Countless articles have been written on this. It is a dangerous and difficult passage;

POSTPARTUM: After birth, many women are plunged into depression and anxiety. This is not a choice; it is a chemical reality that can last from two months to a full year. Do not be so quick to judge them when they seem erratic;

MENOPAUSE:. It has three distinct phases, each with its own brand of torment:

Perimenopause:  The transition period that can range from a few months up to over a decade, usually beginning the 30s or 40s, when women start to be plagued by frequent body aches, headaches, hot flashes, joint pains, insomnia, and the terrifying disorientation of brain fog;

Menopause:  The definitive 12-month mark without a period. Many of the joint pains, headaches, insomnia, and brain fog persist; and

Postmenopause: The rest of a woman’s life. Hormones stabilize at lower levels, leaving them vulnerable to osteoporosis and cardiovascular diseases, with occasional hot flashes serving as cruel reminders of what they have endured.

Given these periodic “handicaps,” especially the prolonged menopausal hell, our society must fundamentally rethink how it treats its women.

Perhaps we should consider giving all women a “privilege card” when they reach the age of 50 or 55. This isn’t a handout; it is a long-overdue recognition.

I suggest Councilor Jaja Cayabyab, a doctor by profession, take up this cause and sponsor an ordinance. If it passes, Dagupan City will be the first to stop invisibilizing women’s pain and instead honor them for their monumental contributions to society despite these natural handicaps.

Perhaps Councilor Jaja can also help us normalize these conversations, shattering the stigma around menopause and finally giving women the understanding and respect they have always deserved.

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