By Farah G. Decano

 

CARING for the elderly is a present-day concern among members of Generation X. These same issues will someday confront our millennials and Gen Zs.  How ready are the present and next generations in tending to our maturing population?

I hope our DepEd, the LGUs and the DSWD already have programs for these concerns.  It is not enough that there are welfare programs for indigent senior citizens such as the usual senior discounts and ayuda.  We must capacitate the younger population in managing the older ones.

There is so much hyped drama about parents going through the twilight of their lives.  Narratives about them in this elderly stage are told in the extremes – either they are depicted as the burdensome, money pit or obnoxious gnome-like humans; or the pitiful, self-sacrificing, beacon of light members of the family.

I recently discovered a different perspective to these popularized realities that perhaps will avoid resentment in caring for elderlies at home.  One day, I started to see my aging mother as a fragile and wobbly child who happens to have adult issues and outlook in life.  From that time, I was able to approach her stubbornness and grouchiness with the gentleness I usually afford a toddler.

A few nights ago, I heard my frail mother call out my name several times.  I arose from my slumber, rushed out of my room and found her inching up the stairs that led to my bedroom on the second floor.  Apparently, sleep was elusive because thoughts of unpaid realty taxes and possible illegal occupants of our properties haunted my mother.  I assisted her down the stairs, calmed her down, gave her hot milk and tucked her in bed.  I assured her that there was nothing to fear.

It was after the death of my father that I began to look out for my mother.  Initially, I found her very repetitive and annoying.  With my father gone, she probably felt that the world now rests on her small shoulders.  She busied her thoughts with anticipated threats and risks, made me her sounding board, and then subjected me to countless “utos”.

It is ironic that this elderly, now filled with anxiety and negativities, is the same woman who raised me to have a cheerful disposition in life.  Now I have to preserve this very virtue against her own undoing.

The first three years of caring for my elderly mother witnessed a battle of the wills: her time-tested iron resolve frequently clashed against mine.  What with her ENTJ-A personality which is touted by Myers and Briggs as commander-like, our disagreements were similar to the proverbial immovable wall against the unstoppable force. Either she will become insane or I would.

I realized that, despite her age, she still wants control over her affairs.  Arguing against this personified obstinacy was an effort in futility.   So, I changed my management style and allowed her more freedom with the assistance of a companion.  She now gets to have her daily dose of lakwatsa and occasional attendance at live band performances.  I was able to prove to her, too, that I was a stable pillar to lean on.

Slowly her disposition changed.  The frequent and cheerful front I showed her, permeated her personality and she became more humorous and child-like.  She now throws frequent witty remarks and gamely kids around with our staff. Her face beams with radiant glow and inner peace.

Going back to my story when Mama went up my room that night, I saw a child who was fearful of monsters under her bed, except that Mama’s monsters were adult issues like taxes and properties.

I comforted her and said, “I will take care of it tomorrow.”  Only then did she sleep like a baby.

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