“Ding, ang bato!” (Second of Two Parts)
By Farah G. Decano
I am all for human rights of the marginalized, including the rights of the LGBT plus communities. This does not mean, however, that I turn a blind eye towards the heartbreaking reality of wives trapped in loveless marriages because they have been tricked by their closeted homosexual husbands into marriage.
Some of these marriages have turned out to be abusive. These user-friendly gay men usually subject their wives to verbal, emotional and physical violence. The pent-up emotions caused by suppression has been vented out on the unsuspecting female spouses.
For some homosexual men in the corporate world who wish to beat the competition, they marry women so they could flaunt their “masculinity” and give an impression of stability, stereotypically expected from heterosexual men.
What kind of women do these user-friendly gay men marry, by the way?
Ah, the men seem to make good choices most of the time. Since they are able to use their minds and not their hearts during the selection process, they usually decide on women with beauty or brains, or from famous families or all of the three. They get someone they can flaunt and add to their good and “manly” image.
What happens to these women later in marriage? I have observed three women of high status whose self-esteems were eroded over time. Constant exposure to severe criticism brought about by vagina envy by their gay husbands have made them docile but stuttering wives. While they would want to battle it out and expose their husbands, they’d rather suffer in silence for the sake of their offspring. They concluded that shaming the husband is tantamount to shaming their children. The fourth woman I know, bravely filed a case for abuse. She did not hesitate to break the glass castle carefully built by her homosexual husband in his field of work. She wanted to be an example for women in the same situation.
As regards the three women mentioned above, how could their self-worth have diminished? Unknowingly, the women became enablers of their husbands. These women interpreted outbursts as mood swings and excused unacceptable behavior as juvenile actions. Thus, the now famous label that the husband is the mother’s youngest child. Instead of meeting closeted husbands head on to establish proper boundaries, the wives allowed the husbands to have their way until gradually the women lost their own self esteem.
I know of two professional female friends who evaded gay men’s overtures. One is a doctor, and the other, a lawyer. They were able to detect their respective suitors’ homosexuality.
“Bakit pa-gentleman? Eh ka-chika ito?” said the lawyer to herself.
“Pumipilantik ang mga daliri, tinatakpan ang bibig kapag tatawa? Aba mas malambot pa ito sa akin,” observed the doctor.
What happened to these suitors? They are now practicing gay men with boyfriends. My friends’ antennae were right after all.
What remedy do wives in this difficult situation have? If the latter concealed their homosexuality at the time of marriage, the wives can have their marriage annulled on the ground of fraud under Article 45 of the Family Code.
It is high time that society recognizes the talents and worth of individuals without considering their sexual orientation. This will liberate the gay men from unwanted marriages and the fragile women from being victimized by them.
Ding, dali, ang bato!
To the ordinary Nardas, perhaps you should not call on a Ding for assistance or empowerment. Instead, you should rely on yourself. Your happiness must not depend on society’s expectations.
To the closeted gays, please do not ruin the lives of women by pretending to be their knight in shining armor when, in reality, you yourself are a damsel in distress who needs saving from your own cowardice. If you cannot imagine yourself being a good husband, please do not marry women only to use them as your shield.
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