(First of two parts)

By Farah G. Decano

 

THIS is the famous line of Narda before she becomes Darna.  She calls on her brother, Ding, to toss the mystical stone to her which, when swallowed, will turn her into the famous flying heroine who wore two-piece crimson garments.

What if Ding refuses, and instead throws a big boulder in Narda’s direction thus hitting her face?  Because, deep inside him, Ding really wants to be Darna himself?  What happens now to the tandem?

This reminds me of married couples who are supposed to be teammates as they go through the battles of life. If one envies the other, then their avowed alliance deteriorates. In the above Darna and Ding scenario, I cannot help but think of gay men who were pressured to marry women.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for the acceptance of LGBT people in society so no one will feel pressured to do anything against his/her will.  I am aware though that there are members who are scared to manifest their colors for fear of condemnation and discrimination. Thus, they hide behind heterosexual marriages.

Besides concealing their identities through traditionally known nuptials, some homosexual men in the business world have another motivation.  More practical. More selfish.  They marry so they can climb the corporate ladder to its highest rungs.  It is a known fact that there are old-fashioned employers who perceive wedded men as more driven, reliable and stable than their unmarried counterparts.  To bag a promotion, it would seem that some gays in the workplace have turned to marriage as tool.

There is hardly any good about being untrue to oneself. Some married gay men, sooner than later, become miserable. According to some psychology studies, suppression of one’s sexual orientation can cause depression which may turn into anger. Some homosexual men become so broken inside and vent their anger on their poor spouses.  They become violent and subject their wives to emotional or physical abuse, or both.

I am not saying that all gays who marry women are unhappy. There are those who gladly curl their wives’ hair, put on their make-up, and live a peaceful co-existence.  There are also those who turn to religion to curb their tendencies and become good husbands to their wives and good fathers to their children.

Based on my own observation and the many sob stories, I have been told, homosexual men who marry women for the wrong reasons seem to exhibit a common trait.  Have you heard of penis envy?  There is a lesser-known term for its feminine equivalent. It is called vagina envy.  How do some closeted gays demonstrate this?  They compete with their own wives in terms of becoming better mothers to their kids, better cooks in the kitchen, better household keepers, better decision makers, better dressers and better lookers.   And when these gays afflicted with severe vagina envy cannot compete, some resort to abusive behavior.

There are many write-ups on LGBT rights.  But few tackle the reality of gays who are pressured to marry due to work and ambition.  This article must not be seen as anti-gay. It must be seen as an eye-opener to many. We must be able to say to our homosexual gay friends that, “[W]e see you. We know what you do. You need not hide anymore.”

If Ding someday wishes to become Darna, he need not aim the boulder at Narda’s face.  With his own inner strength, even without the power stone, he can save the world.

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