The algorithm of infidelity

By Farah G. Decano


THERE is so much buzz circulating in social media nowadays about the recent split of local music industry’s power couple, Moira and Jason.  Weren’t they the same couple who wrote heartwarming love songs together?  Wasn’t their wedding filled with scenic pictures of the groom tearfully grateful that his bride was about to join him at the altar?

Those who were inspired to believe again in happy marriages must have been shaken.  The husband just publicly confessed his indiscretion.  And so, we wonder what could have gone wrong?

Fidelity in relationships does not come easy.  It must be worked on by both parties.  While mutual love and attraction are the main ingredients in warding off unwanted lures, couples must be armed with knowledge about how temptation creeps in.  In fact, they should identify together situations that could make them cheat, the likely avenues by which unfaithfulness could start and how they could avoid these eventualities.

If we treat temptation similarly to a virus that corrupts our computers, then we should familiarize ourselves with its algorithm to prevent its entry into our relationship system with our partners.

In other words, how does temptation operate?

It could start with a suggestion in our mind.  It could present itself with possibilities of exciting “what ifs.”

“What if she likes me?” 

“What if I try to find out if our attraction is mutual?”

“What if I asked my crush out for coffee?” 

“What if I gaze at him and look away and find out how he

       would react?”

“What if I send him this message that can convey

 two probable meanings to tickle his imagination?”


When we become aware that these propositions are knocking at our mind’s doorsteps, we cannot converse with them.  Instead, we run!  We should not bargain or negotiate with these lures.  And we cannot say to ourselves:

“What if she likes me?  I will engage her to find out.  I will

 not enter into a relationship anyway.”

“What if I asked my crush out for coffee?  Maybe it will not

 hurt because it will only happen once.” 

“What if I sent this message which has a double meaning?

 I can deny it anyway if he gets uncomfortable.”


We must understand that most temptations can be persistent.  They may not only keep knocking, they could also start to bang in our imagination.  The good news is, no matter how loud they get, these illicit enticements remain outside our system for as long as we do not open the gates.  It is at this moment that we should remind ourselves that there are needs that should be satisfied only by our partners.

The initialization of unwanted desires may start with the regular exposure to a person other than our partners.  If due to this constancy of communications, we realize an undue anticipation for that person, then some attraction has already grown in us.  If we notice ourselves relating to this person in a rather secretly clandestine way, then we can conclude that our intentions are not in keeping with fidelity.

Temptation, like computer viruses, are spread only when we do something affirmative about its presence.  Thus, we should resist from clicking on the link that could cause our relationship systems to crash.

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