Pride

By November 8, 2021Andromeda's Vortex

By Atty. Farah G. Decano

 

KAYA lang… bading siya.”

This was blurted out to me by a former staff when I learned that his daughter was being sent to college by his financially better-off brother.  I asked why, “Kaya lang… bading siya.”

With his face turning red, my colleague appeared embarrassed.  He scratched his head and then looked down.  He could only give a restrained smile in response.

I could not understand the shame felt by my co-worker about his brother’s sexual orientation.  I surmise that he shares this sentiment with many Filipino families.  There seems to be an unspoken discomfort about the presence of a gay man in the brood.

“You should not be ashamed of your brother’s sexuality.”  I firmly told him.

I personally know many gay men who rose to the challenge of supporting children sired by their philandering fathers and their lothario brothers.  Ignoring their own need for personal happiness, some gay men bravely took upon their shoulders responsibilities which are no longer theirs.

Yet, what do they get in return?  They are referred to with a disclaimer, “kaya lang… bading siya.”  Don’t responsible and self-abnegating gay men deserve better recognition and gratitude?  Can’t we look beyond their preference?

Do LGBT plus members really deserve so much disdain, especially from their families?   If we juxtapose them with the good for nothing machos, the indolent tough talkers, and those who indiscriminately spread their seeds, I will not be surprised that the latter group will escape our criticism and rightful indignation.

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Sexuality is not a determinant of individual productivity in society.  Existing structures, systems, policies and individual virtues determine utility in society.  There is no prejudice to society if LGBT plus members are seen with more accepting lenses.  A more accepting society of individual differences will certainly contribute to human flourishing for no one will be pushed to the closet, forced to conform to traditionally known sexualities and obliged to live a life of self-denial. 

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Contrary to popular notion, acceptance of LGBT plus is not an attack against the family.  In fact, it protects the family from the possible impact of individuals who, due to their inability to express their true self, manifest their self-loathe.   I know of some unhappy gay men who were forced into marriage because of family pressure or employment norms.  They subjected and continue to subject their wives to verbal abuse.  Consequently, the children raised by this kind of families will grow up confused and desensitized of domestic violence.

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Let them love who they wish to love.  The members of the LGBT plus members are, after all, human beings who are not simply ruled by their reproductive organs but also by their rational faculties which enable them to love and choose who to love.  They are no different from the so-called straights, cisgenders and heterosexuals.

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I thought that the Pride Month is celebrated in June only.  I recently learned that the University of the Philippines community chose October as its month for the LGBT plus members. I was told that the Pride season starts on the 6th month of the year and culminates on Human Rights Day – December 10.

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Let the LGBT plus members have pride about themselves.  It makes sense for society.  It is right.  It is just.

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