By Atty. Farah G. Decano

 

HEARD of the five love languages? They are Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. These are the ways by which one communicates and receives love. This does not apply only to romantic relationships but to all sorts of personal connections including parent-child relations.

The preference for Quality time refers to making the best of each moment. This requires undivided attention for the object of affection. The predilection for Acts of Service entails the expectation of sacrifice or doing little things for the sake of another; the partiality for Gifts involves the giving and receiving of material benefits which represent the time and effort of the other; and the fondness for Words of Affection give importance to utterances of love and encouragement.

Here is a caveat though.  All of these love languages are spoken by both a true lover and a deceitful charlatan.  One must be able to see through the difference. I remember one friend who intentionally prioritized Quality Time as her language over her natural inclination for Words of Affirmation because she said that the latter is low investment for mere players and is therefore most likely to be used by them.

“Words of Affirmation” as a tool of swindlers is easily debunked by actions.  If verbal expressions of love are inconsistent with deeds, then this is obvious. We must dump the speaker. What if, in romantic situations, the deeds are that of affection, tenderness and care but their words seem to avoid commitment?  Best action is also to dump the doer.  These actors are merely a lead-on or selfish suitors.  We must protect ourselves from falling for those who cannot give more. There must always be an alignment of deeds and actions.

What if suitors express Quality Time? They provide undivided attention, give their objects of pursuit the best treatment ever, like she is the only one in the world, like a queen or a celebrity.  They do this whenever they go on dates, on video calls and over the phone.  Sadly, even the Casanovas know how to employ this technique.  They maximize the moment to give their victims the best experience.

One difference between a true lover’s quality time from a jester is in their definition of “moment.”

The one with pure intentions expresses love even in moments when he/she is not with the object of affection, either physically, virtually or on the phone.  The genuine ones express their love even in moments when they are NOT together.  To them, Quality Time is to spend every second of the day with a purpose: to simply love their lover. With that end deeply ingrained in their minds, they feel the need to connect and to be faithful ALL THE TIME without being clingy.

The quality time offered by tricksters is only manifest when they are together with their victims. Skillful in making the latter feel good about themselves, fraudsters make the best of the moment together.  Again, ONLY when together.  Even on the phone, they speak of the world about their victims. They are good at what they do. The conceited swindlers stage a romance in the minds of the victims. They enjoy the audience provided, unwittingly, by their prey.   The poor victims become willing mirrors to the fake lovers’ conceit.  And when they finally give their hearts, the performance comes to an end.   The gigolos begin seeking another conquest.

Aside from the definition of what makes a moment, the difference between the quality time of a true lover and a mere Casanova is purpose. The deceitful gigolo uses time to steal your heart, conquer you and trash your self-esteem while the genuine lover uses time to take care of your core, preserve your tenderness and elevate your being.

Enjoy the dating game and beware of expert love swindlers!

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