The Mysteries of a Woman’s Heart

By Atty. Farah G. Decano

 

PROBABLY, I should start with a disclaimer. A caveat sort of thing. The proceeding ruminations are based on my observations of some learned women I had the privilege of knowing. I am not making any generalizations.

If there is any unknown more mysterious than the Bermuda Triangle, it is the heart of a woman. It has so much capacity to love that, even if it pours itself out to her present object of affection, there seems to be some left in the unidentified regions of her core.  It appears to be an unending source of love.

One lazy Sunday afternoon, I shared what I called my philosophical-romantic musings with a senior sister from the UP Portia Sorority.  During our exchange of ideas, she demolished one by one what I thought were my logical views on heart matters with her very practical rationalizations.   After juxtaposing her reasonings with mine, I had a strange epiphany. I was a romantic!!!  I would not have thought that, right?

On First Love

My sorority sis and I conversed on how some of the elderly and middle-aged women regarded their first loves.  Some of them talked about their maiden flames with certain gusto that brightened up their wrinkled faces.

There must be some truth to the saying that first love indeed never dies. It survives even in the presence of one’s true love.  Like precious pieces of jewelry, the memoirs of their old flames are occasionally withdrawn from a secret compartment in their hearts so they could experience again the joy of youth and the thrill of reckless abandon.  No wonder some guys wanted to be any woman’s first love. They leave imprints that cannot even be erased by true love.

Instead of agreeing that first love never dies, the more mature sis proposed that the idea of first love should be demystified.  She believed that women who held on to their young loves in high esteem create an alternate reality for themselves. They only remember the good times when life was good, uncomplicated and ideal. Since their memories of the first times were not clouded by real life problems, then they appear happier.  She suggested that women who put their first objects of affection on a pedestal should ask themselves, “if I married that guy, instead of my husband, and we had our share of bliss and struggles, will my former love remain on his ivory tower? Would he have made me happier? Actually, pwedeng worse. It’s all in their minds.”

On TOTGA and TOWS

We also had a discourse on the movie, “Bridges of Madison County” wherein Meryl Streep had a four-day affair with Clint Eastwood. While very much married to her husband, the character of Streep immortalized her adulterous relationship by writing about her affair.  Sis and I could not help but talk about the concepts of TOTGA and TOWS.

TOTGA is the abbreviated millennial speak for The One That Got Away. It connotes some attachment to a love that left. TOWS, on the other hand, is the shortened term for The One Who Stayed. It refers to that special someone who lingered and endured in an amorous relationship.  In the Bridges movie, Clint Eastwood was the lover who left, thus, the TOTGA while the Streep’s husband is the TOWS. Like first loves, the TOTGA is also ensconced inside an undisclosed section of a woman’s heart.

Between being someone’s TOTGA or TOWS, which honor would you rather have?  My sorority sis and I answered differently.  Right of the bat, I stated my preference. I chose to be the TOWS, the one who endured for love.  She, however, had more interesting things to say.  She said that TOTGAs won’t cut it for her. If it got away, then it is not meant to be.  With conviction, my senior sis also declared that she won’t choose to be TOWS, if she were given a love that was less than what she deserved.  She further asserted, “for a woman who knows her value, choosing to stay in a relationship when the love is lopsided is violence.”

We agreed in the end that couples, who decide to stay with each other, should ensure that their love is kept alive.  We also both agreed that having secret compartments for first loves and TOTGAs are not fair to the TOWS.  If one must stay in a relationship, the heart must be filled by only one. The worthy one.

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