Forever is overrated

By Atty. Farah Decano

 

BLAME the fairytales we have read during our childhood days.  We build our dreams of love around the concept of living together “happily ever after.”  But really, should love always be about being forever together?

It is sad that most opinion of love is that which is popularized in movies, commercialized in advertisements, and shared around in social media. It is a love that seeks to satisfy itself through the possession of one’s object of affection, sometimes at all cost, to have and to hold till death do the lovers part.

Ah, but the heart is as mysterious as the deep blue sea.  Who knows what goes on inside? The ocean on the surface may present the quiet halcyon days but no one knows the inner turmoil deep beneath.

A person’s core does not always desire what it loves in the same manner that it could leave in heroic abandon those it truly wants.  I cannot help but be reminded of Blaise Pascal’s extract from the Pensees:

“The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know. We feel it in a thousand things. I say that the heart naturally loves the
Universal Being, and also itself naturally, according as it gives
itself to them; and it hardens itself against one or the other at its
will. You have rejected the one and kept the other. Is it by reason that you love yourself?”

It is unfortunate that above quote is used to justify irrational behavior or unbridled lust. Far from these, Pascal’s aphorism pertains to our heart’s tendency to desire the infiniteness and the perfection of the Universal Being.  Our hearts shall remain unsatisfied by the inadequacy and defects of those around us no matter how many they are or how glorious they may be. Our limited reason cannot explain the depth of our heart’s yearnings.

Any love that is incompatible with the heart’s genuine purpose tends to create restlessness in persons. The voice of conscience tells them to eliminate anything that contradicts the perfection their hearts are meant for.  It takes some kind of heroism to do just that – to let go of another in order attain the greater good.

How does one break relationships that do not satisfy the heart’s innate aspirations?  How does one set aside affairs that are almost perfect but are, in the long run, creations of annihilation?

Cruelty is kindness.

To be truthful even when it hurts may appear callous and merciless to the other person but in the end, it is benevolence and compassion. It takes heroic effort to eliminate any passion that is in contradiction with our heart’s end. Those who have abandoned another for this purpose didn’t always leave in sigh, joy and relief. They grieved and cried, too. They agonized over their decisions for days and months. They shed tears that become tribute to their beautiful relationships. Their pain became testament to a love that had to be given up.

It is a popular mindset that when people get out of blissful relationships, they are throwing away the memories of love, happiness and struggle.  This frame of mind should be changed.  The good memories of time spent together are not the best of reasons to stay in relationships that do not take us to our journey’s destination.  The spurned lovers just have to be reminded that the recollection of years well spent together are never wasted. They will remain as they are, never erased, never shattered. There is just no point in having more.

To end a relationship that is beautiful for a greater purpose is to immortalize it in the altar of true love.  Forever.

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