Erasing one’s identity 

By Farah G. Decano

 

SHOULD a married woman use her husband’s surname?

It is not mandatory for a Filipino woman to adopt her husband’s surname. A married woman has the choice to either retain her surname or embrace her spouse’s family name, in accordance with Article 370 of the Civil Code of the Philippines.

The aforementioned provision states that, “A married woman may use: (1) Her maiden first name and the surname and add her husband’s surname, or (2) Her maiden first name and her husband’s surname, or (3) Her husband’s full name, but prefixing a word indicating that she is his wife, such as “Mrs.”

Not many women are aware that taking on the husband’s surname is just an option. They think that marriage automatically results to a change in their family name.  To the better informed, however, they still choose to adopt their husband’s surname for several reasons.  There are women who opt to adopt their husband’s surname to maintain harmony in the relationship. Some husbands find it offensive that a woman retained her birth name after getting married.  To continue to use the maiden name after marriage is not just considered an affront to the spouse but also viewed as an indication of the unwillingness to completely abandon herself to the husband.  After all, the surrender of the wife to her spouse finds biblical basis in the famous line “mga babae, magpasakop kayo.” To go against tradition might expose the male spouse to his friends’ butt of jokes as henpecked. Sooner or later, fragile egos will foment hostility between spouses.  Another reason for adopting the husband’s family name is convenience, it being a customary practice.

Despite the inconvenience and possibility of stepping on their husband’s ego, some women still choose to retain their birth surname. They believe that marriage must not erase their identity and force them to adopt another surname, in the name of convenience or family unity.  They believe that society must not sacrifice its women for the sake of the family’s welfare.

A person’s family name is part of a woman’s individuality and distinctiveness.  It is a legacy of identity given by her parents.  Should she earn a professional title, the woman should not be made to feel guilty by choosing to retain her maiden name.   One doctor-friend   said that she will not drop her father’s surname when she gets married because she wants to give credit to the people who burned their brows to provide her good education and helped her obtain the title, “doctor.”  These women who retain their surnames after marriage could not conceive adopting the surname of another family who did not, in anyway, contribute to the attainment of their professional title.

Deviating from the tradition of using the husband’s surname and relegating the maiden name to a mere middle initial presents several difficulties to the “unconventional” married woman.   In obtaining loans from a government financial institution or a private bank, she must present a higher degree of proof to establish marriage by submitting the marriage contract and an affidavit explaining why she does not bear her husband’s surname. There are anecdotal stories from married women who were compelled to use the husband’s surname just so an application for loan or an application for joint bank account could be processed.

The decision to retain her birth name also poses challenges to her family life. She may be suspected of being a single mother whose children were sired out of wedlock. She must painstakingly explain to her children why she has a different surname from the rest of the family.  She may even be summoned in school to explain why her surname is different from the family name of her husband and children.

Our society must understand that marriage is supposed to be about two persons who wish to exclusively share their individuality for a lifetime.   To adopt a different surname after the matrimony would take a chunk of that individuality from the woman.  In order to educate our community not to pass negative judgments on women who retain their birth surname, we need more courageous women to take on these non-conformist path so that this choice may be respected and accepted, just as it is.

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