Embracing the moment

By Virginia J. Pasalo

 

IT is late. I just woke up to music that makes me dance with the stars. Life is sweet, even under stress. I can imagine myself walking towards an airplane bound for Milan, from an airport in Zurich, the excitement of the engines roaring, the panorama of green as it takes off, wine in my hands as I watch the boats, getting smaller, dots in the vast ocean, and finally the cloud that seemed to have gotten inside the airplane to caress my face. And then, cathedral music, the ones you no longer hear, the ones I used to hear when I was a child, in my heart, at least.

And then, the sadness of leaving old friends, the relationship, so close, as tight as an embrace, I can still feel the warmth, from here, right now. I remember buying shoes, seven pairs, it was crazy, but I was happy. I was alone and happy, getting a taste of the vastness of my world, a taste as near as heaven, a child slurping ice cream unmindful of the dripping sweetness in my hands and lily-white T-shirt, engaged in conversations with strangers, smelling the air, just breathing happiness. It felt like, I could kiss a stranger, take his hands and just dance. I love this life, thank God.

The moment is really all you have. Whether you are in the arms of someone you love, working late in an office, or in deep depression in an unknown distant place, the moment is all you have.

As I speak, the moment passes, in milliseconds, change happens. Someone gets married, babies are born, others die, naturally, in someone else’s hands (like the victims of the extra judicial killings), or in their own hands (like Chester Bennington, the lead singer of band Linkin Park).

The Guardian broke the news, “Chester Bennington, lead singer of Linkin Park, dies of suspected suicide at age 41” with his picture, captioned “Chester Bennington: Linkin Park’s singer soothed the angst of millions”. The music blares once more, on the airwaves:

I tried so hard and got so far,

but in the end it doesn’t even matter.

I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn’t even matter…

Bennington struggled with drugs and alcohol abuse. He was quoted saying, “It’s not cool to be an alcoholic — it’s not cool to go drink and be a dumbass”… “It’s cool to be a part of recovery. This is just who I am, this is what I write about, what I do, and most of my work has been a reflection of what I’ve been going through in one way or another.”

He admitted to being raped and getting beaten when he was young and attributed his drug addiction and “insane” life to this fact.

The music we hear varies depending on how we live the moments of our lives. As I have realized, difficulty is the future happening today. Perseverance refines the rough ride to our chosen destinies. If you have given up your moments to languish in your own hands, it just takes a moment to also recover it. Take a fresh start. Make yourself a garden of exciting moments. Life is full of beautiful things. Focus on the one thing you love doing. Love will sustain, even when you fail, so many times.

 

A garden, in May

 

December is cold

you must remember, always,

to freeze, your feelings.

 

feelings join the logs

in the fireplace, tempting fire,

“Burn me to ashes!”

 

Ashes make their way,

out of a cold memory:

a garden, in May.

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