Scent of a father

By Virginia Jasmin Pasalo

 

I MISS you. I do not want to cry on Christmas, and I will not. You taught me not to cry so much, and I am not supposed to cry, especially because it has been over two years since you passed away. Let me confess, I do not always think of you. There are many things that occupy my mind, some thoughts I am sure will displease you, but you will always try to understand, if you knew.

It is Christmas again, and I see your shadow all over the place, eagerly waiting for each arrival, for the Noche Buena. I cannot help it, so I cry again. I did not learn so much from your instruction that I should always master my emotions, above all else. I never learned, you must be so disappointed, but I do not care. I miss you, and these tears have no discipline, they just flow whenever they want, wherever they want, like a river, finding its way, again and again to an estuary.

I do not know how to proceed to the sea, where estuaries should finally meet a larger containment, and where you must already be. Sometimes I wonder if you arrived at your destination, knowing that you avoided the depths and preferred to stay between the transition zone of the rivers and the larger expanse beyond.

Maybe that is why i love estuaries, not only because transition points allow me to exist on the brink of two worlds, but also because, you are still there, appearing to me each time, as a feather.

I love you, Tatay, Merry Christmas!

 

 Scent of a feather

Are you saying Hello?

 

Or just wanting to smell your garden

from the soil in my palms?

 

Have you come to console the bird

that sings to you each day

hoping you will bring back, a fallen beloved?

 

Or have you become the feather of the bird

felled by the slingshot you aimed into the air

hoping for an Indian mango to fall?

 

 

ANGOB NA SAKEY YA BAGU

Mikukumusta ka?

 

O gabay mo labat ya naangob so tanaman mo

ed dalin ya bebembenan na limak?

 

O gabay mon kumustaen may manok

ya mangakansiyon ed sikan inagew-agew

mikakasin ipawil mo may inaro ton naplag

ed dagem

 

O nanmaliw ka lan bagu to may manok ya akenam

imbes ya amay manggan aasintaen mo

so naplag?

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