Feelings

Water on rocks!

By Jing Villamil

 

AND when this monstrosity of a spiked ball had crowned itself and had pushed its bastard birth to a world caught unaware, unbelieving, unprepared . . . she closed her eyes. And promptly disappeared.

Though, she did not just upped and puffed away. She did not cease to be, nor had she gone missing, lost and never to be found.

She continued to be. Yet not. She did the usual rites, said the ornery lines, fed the kids, watched the box talk into the night.

But. She has gone too, not into the night, but towards the blues and greens, and the sworls of whites pouring bursting gurgling on the rocky shores of an island hers to keep.

Though her roots had dug deep into its soul, and its sirens’ song had called to her at first dawn . . . she had listened to it only when she had surrendered to her first pain. Her one. Her last.

Her pain had rolled on and on, thrashed and twisted and wrenched her wretched heart.

And each time she crashed, she disappeared from there and then. She joined the voice of the sirens, her voice the same recurring prayer:

“if a little rock shall stand for every minute every moment, for all the times i failed to say you are forever in my heart, i would have had laid a carpet of sand, of crushed stones, of smooth pebbles of many colors many shades along the shores of my island.

and if i shall choose a rock to stand for you, it would be this round rough pebble gray in white, white in gray. i would wrap it tight with my palm and fingers, then open it up to the sun. i would touch its warmth to my cheeks, kiss it with these lips and let my tears flow free to the pebble, down to the sea.

Then i would slowly gently let it go, back to the sand to the crushed stones to the other pebbles of many colors many shades.

someday we will find each other again. we shall fly! maybe not during this time, not by these proud but bent fronds, not from these greens and blues, waves to begin, to end all waves.

hear! the sea sighs, it grits its teeth, it soars, it roars. for me. for you forever in my heart.”

(Done this 17March20, to grieve a loss, for a someday hope.)

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