Duterte, shabu, De Lima

By Ulysses R. Butuyan

 

SUMMIT IN LAOS: THEY ALL WANT TO MEET DUTERTE. They better not look like drug suspects.

ASINGAN MAYOR DENIES ALLEGED DRUG LINKS, SAYING THAT THE REPORTED KOREANS AND CHINESE SEEN IN HER ALLEGED POULTRY FARM-DRUG LABORATORY WERE JUST CHICKENS. There’s more fun even in Asingan!

TOTAL REVAMP OF ASINGAN POLICE ORDERED. No talk, no mistake.

DUTERTE DEPLOYS MORE TROOPS. More funeral parlors to open.

BILL TO IMPOSE CURFEW ON KARAOKE SINGING. Please kill the off-key singers.

GOV’T: NPA MUST STOP EXTORTION. Otherwise some government officials would accuse the NPA for usurpation of authority.

THIEF YIELDS SHABU, NOT STOLEN PHONE. Did someone in turn steal his stolen phone?

CAYETANO BATS FOR DUTERTE’S SPECIAL POWERS. Such as the special power to appoint a new vice-president?

B’DAY WISH FOR DE LIMA: THAT SHE SLEEP WELL DESPITE NIGHTMARES. Why, does she see Duterte even in her dreams?

BATO BARES PLOT TO KILL DUTERTE. Very reminiscent of the pre-martial law days except that Enrile was then handsome.

GOV’T PRODDED ON NATIONWIDE SMOKING BAN. No ban on human rights violations?

12,561 SUSPECTED DRUG USERS/PUSHERS PROCESSED BY THE PANGASINAN PNP. Some of them were processed anew in the morgues.

NO PROOF OF VIGILANTE KILLING IN PANGASINAN. They don’t seem to have names, either.

SCAVENGER TURNS OVER PHP 165,000 CASH FOUND IN TRASH BAG. Scavengers can be more trustworthy than the filthy rich politicians.

PANGASINAN MORE PEACEFUL THESE DAYS. Thanks partly to the drug-related deaths of suspects and collateral victims.

HOUSE CAN’T PASS FOI BILL THIS YEAR. Not now; there are still too many skeletons hiding in the closets.

GOV. POGI LEADS MANDATORY DRUG TEST. He was found positive and high in popularity.

SENATORS, PNP WANT AMENDMENT OF WIRETAPPING LAW TO ALLOW INTERCEPTION OF COMMUNICATIONS OF DRUG SUSPECTS. Anyone whose message is intercepted is a suspect and, therefore, is eligible for summary execution.

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