Please, excuse the excuse!

By Emmanuelle

SIGURO, from the day she received this particular excuse letter, to the day of her retirement, this teacher-friend of mine would never really get her acts all together again. Would she laugh, or cry, or hire a detective to tell her why a parent had written: Please excuse my child. She can’t. Thank you. And that tops the mound of excuse letters she receives each week. For while there are regular classes, there will be constant absences.

It is ta kaskasian ko sikato that I am one with her plan to petition schools to conduct a free weekend course for parents. The agenda: to guide them on the proper ways of writing excuse letters. If not, nothing shall hold teachers back from falling off the sane bend. For the truth is: to these poor overworked souls, finding what the parent actually meant between the lines of the improperly-written excuse letter is the true challenge behind the teacher’s challenge. No ag natalusan na teachers so labay ya ibaga na parents ed excuse letters, napakset la ya amin so maong ya kanonutan da! They will be obsessing over each letter of the letters from day one to the end of term.

Meanwhile, before she slits a parent’s letter open, my teacher-friend squeezes shut her eyes first. She counts one to wake her when. This brings to a halt laughter heaving or disbelief surging. She has to be matino to be in the mood for deciphering a code. Agay lay!

Take these medical samples: Please excuse my son’s absence from class today. Yesterday, the dentist took all his wisdom away. How did the dentist manage to do that?

Then take this very revealing other: Please excuse my daughter; she is in bed with high fever. Her brother is in bed, too, with his girlfriend probably as high. Actually last night, my husband and I were the hottest ever. Their house must soon be sizzling!

This one must startle the wings off heaven: Please, excuse Bart from his class today. His doctor had him shot, and he is swollen from the entrance. This one, too: Please excuse my bulirek for a week. Yesterday, there was a mission free tuli. They cut off his head.

What about the improprieties of this: Please excuse Lori. She had a nervous stomach and the doctor looked at her the whole night.

How do you find this one? Please excuse Marge from her P.E. class. She had a great fall. She dislocated a hip, and it is not located yet.

This surely scared the teacher out of her wits: Please pardon my panganay’s absence. Our mango seedlings had arrived. He will be back to school as soon as he is buried.

And pardon me: Please excuse my Dodoy. His vowel movement is many times wrong. I will send him to school as soon as all his vowels are okay.

At least, this parent tried her best: Please excuse Nene. She has his monthly, and he is homoraging, hemmoraging, hemhoraging. . . nagdudugo po. Haaayyy.

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