Manners make the man!

Or the woman? (Part 2)

By Emmanuelle

Old boys’ clubs way back around the middle ages had their rules of etiquette printed in guild statutes for the guidance of the members: Good manners maketh a man / Look that thine hands is clean / and that thy knife be sharp and keen. / If thou sit by a worthier man / Thou thyself art one.

The same as saying birds of the same feathers flock together. Except that birds fly and men sit. And to be as worthy, one must do one’s sitting with the worthier men. There are no worthier birds than the ones alive and flying. 

So, if one flies with the birds, one is a very gay bird. And  if one sits with the mayor, one is as good as the mayor. Or being the  mayor. Or a congressman, if the congressman happened to dine on the same table as the mayor. Now, children, why does Joe sit with the President?

Why were clean hands and sharp knives specially mentioned? It was not mere idle talk brought on by poetic license. Polite European society first thought of the idea of using forks only in the early 16th century. Before that, diners used their fingers or knives to dig into all varieties of the communal food. Knives were permanently tucked into men’s belts, and were used for all purposes, like slicing fruits and meat and men’s throats. Not to forget, even cleaning the nails after having dug into all varieties of the communal food.

In the 13th century, after  being treated to a mind-blowing spectacle of monks digging into all varieties of the communal food, Fra Bonvicino’s stomach churned;  he was nauseated; he couldn’t  keep  his food down; he puked: he even vomited. Heh heh. Heh-nough was enough.  As a result, he issued the following guidelines: Let they fingers be clean / Thou must not put thy fingers into thine ears / Or thy hands on thy head. / The man who is eating must not be cleaning / By scraping with his finger at any foul part.

And it came to pass through the centuries, that there were less dirty fingers digging into all varieties of the communal food. Of course, there were less and lesser instances wherein all varieties of communal food were served on the table for fingers to dig into. Except in some Muslim nations, and in some really impoverished 3rd World countries. Also, during picnics at the beach where sand taste better with rice and bagoong.

Not to forget, in-between fraternity hazing when masters make a show of feeding their victims so they won’t be starving when they are dying from the paddles. One must not be so extremely bad mannered. Manners maketh the man, the senior brod reminded.

Of course, then as now, the polite diners had to deal with the not-so-polite diggers’ retort: fingers were made by God before forks, and hands before knives!

And  instructions on  how to eat bread is the same today as it was centuries ago when owning two forks at one time made one a proud possessor of a novelty! Bite not on your bread and lay it down / That is not curtesy to lay in town / But break as much as you will eat.

It must have meant one makes kurot a piece at a time from a big chunk of monay on one’s hand, or from a thin slice of American bread from the platito. Butter each pinch or palaman thinly.  Chew each piece daintily, swallow, then pinch off another kurot of bread.  One does not stuff everything into one’s mouth and cheeks and wherever else it may fit, gulping down the whole bottle of palaman to follow. That would be bad manners. And it becomes evil when one runs off with the whole package of bread. One cannot definitely butter that off later, with any kind of niceties, with the classy restaurant owner. Not even with a full 100% chunk of Waiting Shares nor the Broadest of Banda Deals.   

Na-ah.

(For past columns, click http://sundaypunch.prepys.com/archives/category/opinion/feelings/)

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