By Virginia Jasmin Pasalo

 

I realized that some of the people closest to me are experiencing challenges which they have chosen to keep for themselves. Over the years, we have shared thoughts, acted on problems together and celebrated our successes. It is heartbreaking when you see them suffer, whether they tell you or not. Among very close friends, you get this kind of vibration, a kind of a nerve that pinches, hinting at an aberration, even when words are not spoken.

There are friends who may not have willfully chosen to isolate themselves, but their circumstances are in a state of powerlessness. Under these conditions, you sense your own powerlessness, so overwhelmingly apparent, it lashes out whatever confidence it had relied upon to shield itself. The rock-solid belief that one can do anything if the mind is truly in it melts very quickly under the heaviness of the pouring rain.

Others, whose predicaments were alleviated with some intervention on my part, went through the process of recovery and healing. Over time however, some had gone back to their old habits and routines, recovering instead, the original state of malaise they had once recovered from. The constant attention required to sustain the progress of friends to keep them on track requires time, effort and resources, which bears upon my own vulnerabilities.

Many years ago, I had a retreat with my friends at Puso ng Carmelo, a place of contemplation located on a hill overlooking the West Philippine Sea, home to Carmelite nuns. In one of the sessions, Sister Claire mentioned that the biggest challenge in keeping our wellbeing lies not in controlling others, but in controlling one’s self. Often, she said, we are not in control of our appetites, our emotions, the way our thoughts are directed. If we are able to manage our own proclivities, and master “control” over ourselves, we would have done much more for the wellbeing of the universe.

We are in control over some matters, in most we are not. We can only trust in the faith that the good prevails over the bad, that some superconscious, where our own consciousness is a part, aligns itself for its own survival and wellbeing.

 

Wellbeing

the stars stare
like they know
me

they come
at the speed of light
becoming the light
sinking through
the pores of my skin
filling holes in my being
becoming
me

I am the universe
in constant death
renewing

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