He was never missed

By Al S. Mendoza

 

IN the olden times, in the Allied Democratic Republic of Apo Lasica (ADERAL), the President seeking re-election suddenly fell ill.

And since most ailments do not choose the time and day when they strike, the President of ADERAL got sick on the eve of election.

The following day, the President failed to cast his vote.

He lost by one vote.

So, had he been able to vote, it would have been a tie.

And, as election rules went, the deadlock could have been broken via a toss coin.

But supporters of the defeated President demanded a recount.

In reply, the Commission in Collecting Ballots (COMICOBA) chairman said, no.

“Our Piquewet machines are fool-proof!” said Sixfor Bisucol, the COMICOBA chairman.  “Her Excellency, the Honorable Belinda Frezdeliveri, is now our new President!”

But Bisucol showed compassion somewhat when he said, “In fairness, had the outgoing President showed up and personally filed his protest, I might have given it due course, as provided for in the Omnibus Election Code.”

The wife of the President tried to represent the defeated President in the protest.

“Sorry, Madam, but physical presence is required,” Bisucol said.  “No President, no protest.  In the meantime, may I now be excused?  I am going on vacation to far away Bagels in a beach near the Dead Sea.  Over there, vodka tastes best!”

The defeated President’s health had been a closely guarded secret.

Even his whereabouts were not revealed.

All hospitals denied ever accepting a patient fitting the President’s description.

The rumor mill had a field day entertaining all kinds of hearsays.

One said, the President was in a lying-in clinic disguised as a matron.

Another said, the President was in his rest house that even his wife didn’t know of, counting the money he had stashed away while still in power.

And yet another said, the President eloped with his mistress to an undisclosed destination on board his private jet.

Nobody knew for sure where he was, whether he was ill or not.

And then another problem cropped up:  The new President could only assume office 30 days after her proclamation.

With the defeated President nowhere to be found, the leadership vacuum was for real.

“No worries,” Bisucol said.  “I declare the elected President the acting President.”

With no protest raised, Bisucol’s order was carried.

Frezdeliveri would proceed to become the greatest President ADERAL has ever had.

And what happened to the defeated President?

He remained missing—forever.  And he was never missed by the people, too.

In parting, this column is the product of my fertile imagination.  Any similarities with existing people and places are merely coincidental.  However, if you think otherwise, fine.

Lap it up.  La di da.

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