Over my dead body

By Virginia Jasmin Pasalo

 

THIS morning, I decided to walk to Jollibee V. Luna, where I used to sit and had mental conversations with the kaimito tree across it. The kaimito is no longer there, but I imagine it to be, and say hello to the aura that still remains, whenever I walk by. My usual seat was empty, which surprised me, because it has been months since I visited the place. I claimed my seat very quickly in case others will race me for it. Just in front of me were two elderly ladies, very good-looking ones, talking animatedly.

“Wow, at last, may wala la’y agustuan mo!” (Wow, at last, you like someone!)

“Balet, amay kaibak a bii, binitla to lan amin para’d siak: nu inerak ya nan-aral, nantrabahaho, nu siopa ra’y aka-relasyon ko, tan say pinaka-mauges ya imbaga to, impalastog to ni ya singa 45 ak labat pero 65 ak la kuno!” (But my lady companion said everything for me: where I studied, who I had relations with, and the worst that she mentioned, in a boasting manner, is that I look 45 but I am already 65!)

“Ay,lasi! Mauges a maong itan ed sara’y bibii! Anto’y imbaga to may laki ey?” (Oh, shit! That is so bad for us women! What did the guy say?)

“Ag kami la akasel ta insublay to met ya imabagan na-opera la kuno ed prostate sikaton tinaynan na asawa ton ugaw ni.” (We were both dumbfounded because she also rattled off that the man had a prostate operation and that is the reason why his young wife left him.)

“Agmo tan kaaro!” (She is not your friend!)

“Tua tay imbagam. Agko la man gabay a kaiba.” (You are right. I do not want to be with her again!)

“Antam baleg a kasalanan tay ginawa to. Wala’y amigak ya agto gabay ya napantungtungan su edad. Aminsan wala kamid restaurant ed imbagak ya iter to la may Senior Citizen card to, et say imbaga to ed siak: Over my dead body, I’d rather pay the whole amount!” (You know that act is a big sin. I have a friend who never wanted to talk of age. Once, after eating at a restaurant, I asked her to submit her Senior Citizen card, and she told me: Over my dead body, I’d rather pay the whole amount!).

“Makapalek met. Balet gabay ko may twenty percent discount. Dakel su nayarin usar to.” (That is laughable. I like the twenty percent discount. It can be used for so many things.)

“That friend of mine told me: Let him discover who you are, let him find out for himself. It is part of the mystery of flirtation. Like in the movie Sex and Mrs. X. Flirtation is not about sex. It is about emotion. It is about how you feel. It is about how you make the other person feel.”

“Wow, gaba-gabay ko tan ya imbaga to!”

“Pero say tua, 70 years old la nen 2013. Balet kada taon, babawasan to na duaran taon, sikaton natan, say edad to nu tepeten da 65 labat kuno. Makapalek ta 10 years su diperensiya na edad mi. Natan manka-edad kami la. Diad sakey a taon, mas matakkenak la na duaran taon ed sikato. Hahaha!” (The truth is, she was 70 years old in 2013. But every year, she deducts two years from her age, so if anybody asked, she is now 65. It is laughable because she is older than me by 10 years, and now we are of the same age. Next year I will be the one who is older than her by two years. Hahaha!)

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